Ledger-Enquirer.com: Chris Johnson

Words to sleep by

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:48 EDT

While most kids his age have their noses stuck in portable video games, my 8-year-old son has had his nose stuck in books for most of this year and especially this summer.

Nothing happening

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:22 EDT

There's nothing to do. It's a common refrain I've heard from children to young co-workers to old people like me. But a couple of Saturdays ago, I indeed had nothing to do. It seemed that no one around me really had anything to do, either. And I'd forgotten how nice that can be.

Safe jobs

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:36 EDT

After conducting numerous analyses of the markets, tracking trends on Wall Street and running various computer models of financial forecasts, it is with much confidence that I can tell you that our nation's economy is as valuable as one warm bucket of hamster vomit. OK, maybe two.

Palin, purity & puh-leez

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:36 EDT

Warning: The following column is politically incorrect. Furthermore, the person writing it is hopelessly politically incorrect and doesn't really care. Therefore, if you are a touchy, whiny, oversensitive person, stop reading now. I implore you. Unless you just want to see how I can cover Sarah Palin, the Jonas Brothers and a cute, young waitress in one column .

Quarter life

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:35 EDT

While sitting at my desk at a cabin in the boonies a few days ago, I noticed that one of several quarters lying on it was dated 1970, the year I was born. Unfortunately, my first thought was that's one old quarter.

Gimme that old-time Olympics

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:24 EDT

Much mystery surrounds the ancient Olympics. What exactly were the events? What was the reward? How much did Coca-Cola spend to sponsor them?

How to meditate

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:26 EDT

Everyone should practice meditation. I say practice because it takes a while to get good at it. With enough practice, you can reach such a state of relaxation that they have to call a coroner. That's one of the reasons I'll never vote for a Democrat for coroner. When somebody comes to pronounce me dead, I want them to be extremely conservative. As conservative as Dick Cheney's and Pat Robertson's love child.

No more cruisin'

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:54 EDT

Once upon a time, often on a lazy summer Sunday afternoon, folks would get into their cars and just cruise, as Chuck Berry sang, with no particular place to go.

Gettin' Lucky

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:26 EDT

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about the kind of junk kids eat during the summer and made a small, passing reference to digging through a box of Lucky Charms for the marshmallows.

Movie madness

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:24 EDT

Now that the peak of the movie season is upon us and you might be pondering your next trip to the movie theater, I thought this would be a good time to give you a complete review of all the movies I've seen in the theater so far in 2008.