Chris Johnson

Living > Living Columnists > Chris Johnson

Posted on Sun, Sep. 14, 2008

reprint or license print email

Palin, purity & puh-leez

Comments (0) |

Enter Keyword(s):

Enter a City:

Select a State:

Select a Category:

Warning: The following column is politically incorrect. Furthermore, the person writing it is hopelessly politically incorrect and doesn't really care. Therefore, if you are a touchy, whiny, oversensitive person, stop reading now. I implore you. Unless you just want to see how I can cover Sarah Palin, the Jonas Brothers and a cute, young waitress in one column .

Republican vice presidential candidate Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska is not an ugly woman.

I know that's not politically correct of me to notice. But until the Republicans allow her to veer off-script and answer questions from reporters or speak off-the-cuff, her looks are about all I've got to go on.

And I'm not so sure what's so offensive about finding a person attractive anyway. It's not like I've said, "Wow, what a pair of... glasses!" Although, the whole sexy librarian look is a little over the top. Who's she kidding?

Can't you just see her as president, taking her hair down and telling Hugo Chavez, "You know, socialism is one of my turn-offs"?

I do find it a little unusual that polls show Palin has more support among men. I thought men were supposed to pound their chests when a woman ran for major political office. Aren't we sexist pigs supposed to say stuff like, "How 'bout you womenfolk stay in the kitchen and leave this government bidness to us menfolk?" Instead, men are rushing to the computer and Googling "sarah palin hot photos."

• It's doubtful, though, that the Jonas Brothers are among those Googling her, or anybody. During the recent Video Music Awards, unfunny host Russell Brand relentlessly made fun of the boys for wearing purity rings, indicating they're saving themselves for marriage.

Hey it's their choice. There are worse things they could choose. When I was their age, I had a purity ring, too. It was called The Girls of Macon County High School. They made my purity their mission in life. And if my will power was ever weak, believe me, their's was plenty strong.

What a bizarro world -- folks are talking about purity rings at the MTV Awards and knocked-up teen girls at the GOP convention. Ain't that backward?

• And speaking of cute teen girls avoiding me...

While at a restaurant this week, a grouchy female customer complained to a manager that one of the employees (not my waitress) was flirting with me. Me?

Yes, lady, the girl talked to me when I returned from the jukebox. She said my music was lame. I said it reminds me of the beach. She said the beach was for losers. You've confused hurt and flirt.

Lady, puh-leez! If a cute, young thing were to flirt with an old, married guy like me, puh-leez stay out of it. It'll likely be the highlight of my month.